Poor Martha. Around this time of the year, for the last half-dozen years or so, lazy columnists and storywriters everywhere start to dump on Martha. In fact, entire magazines are (arguably) founded on the anti-Martha movement. If Martha stands for domestic perfection, the anti-Martha stands for the conscious effort to be imperfect, time-efficient, and above all, artfully artless. The anti-Martha crowd condemns the stress that supposedly accompanies the pursuit of perfection. “‘Perfection,’” they argue, “is an unreasonably high standard. Why waste your energies on something that can never be? Embrace life with gusto! Who cares if you spill along the way? Nobody’s perfect, so why try?”
I’m all for enjoyment, and for each person striving to achieve the best of her abilities, but I think the anti-Marthas are missing a crucial element here. Yes, perhaps it is a little excessive to handcraft mistletoe from pressed Dupioni silk when many imitations can be bought easily, cheaply, and with far less time. Maybe not everyone can make a spun sugar nest to garnish homemade chocolate-kumquat ganache cake. The point is, it’s worth the attempt. In short, what the anti-Marthas are missing is the satisfaction of the distinct sense of pride and accomplishment that comes from doing it all, doing it best, and doing it from scratch.
My personal justification for high standards in domestic accomplishments is that I think it shows respect for my guests. I do make an effort to keep my living space clean because I don’t want visitors to feel as if they’ve entered a slovenly den of unrefinement. I host themed parties every winter because I think my guests will appreciate the extensive effort I’ve put into considering all the minute details, from the font on the invitations to the dress code to the icing on the cake. (The icing is a literal reference. I once had a James Bond-themed party and decided to decorate the cupcakes with martini glass motifs.) I hang up the coats, fold the napkins, set the table, and fuss unreasonably because I want people to know that I honour the time they have taken to spend with me at my home.
I won’t hestitate to admit that I am highly gratified by the fact that many people are impressed that I can hold a multi-course dinner party without breaking a sweat. However, the reason why I try so hard to be the ultimate host is because I think it lets my family, friends, and guests know that they are more than deserving of my time and my energy. It’s my way of saying, “Welcome. I’m so glad you’re here with me.” And so, thanks – for giving me a great reason to pursue domestic perfection.
Awwww thanks Victoria!
I do feel loved
Especially when you feed me 
By the way did you know your site is sending eMom 20% of its web traffic? I just looked it up!
Having just spent the entire afternoon doing Christmas baking (60 tarts, 3 eccles cakes and 2 pie crusts later), my Mom and I agree that sometimes putting the effort in is totally worthwhile.
I do feel appreciated, but necessarily because you spend obscene amounts of time preparing–then I just feel guilty for causing you so much trouble. I miss your winter parties. And this blog is well done; the pasta dish looks tasty….
I wanted to raise something in defense of the domestically challenged.
While I cook (rather bake) semi-occasionally, I have to say that your summary of the anti-marthas does generalize. I too was raised to value from “scratch” cooking, because it’s more reflective of the cook’s talent and the pride (as you say) they have for their craft. However, not everyone is blessed with skill in the kitchen–my roommate would be a prime example. And we have a “Martha” cookbook in our kitchen which we use frequently (it’s a good cookbook with great recipes, which would be even better if Amanda had any patience). I’ve accepted this impatience and the resultant poor food, however, and have realized that not everyone sees cooking as an art; for her, it’s a necessity. Thus, I think some take up the mantle of the anti-marthas not to discredit her, but rather to point out that their energies are directed elsewhere and being expected to hold to this model while pursuing other goals may not always be feasible or even desirable….
Us “non-domestics” must sometimes derive our pride from other pursuits, but we certainly don’t knock yours.:-)
Kaitlin: You’re quite right about the anti-Marthas, or rather the “to-hell-with-Martha-I’m-going-to-change-the-world-elsewise” people, having more suitable outlets for their talents and abilities. Some people are as hopeless at baking as I am at pretty much anything that involves hand-eye coordination. (Playing catch is completely lost on me. I just duck and/or run for cover.) Instead of perfecting techniques for choux pastry, some people engage in exceptionally worthwhile pursuits such as, I don’t know, working to empower young women to engage politically and civically and to actively take part in leadership roles? On the other hand, part of my goal for this blog is to show people how easy it is to produce great food. Or, more to the point, that it’s not difficult to learn to do a couple of things efficiently, with minimal effort (and skill) and maximum enjoyment.
P.S. Your stuffed shells are awesome! And I’m still waiting for a certain family recipe for pie pastry…
Adena: can your mom adopt me into your family long enough for me to try your eccles cakes?
Tal: great job on the website redesign! http://emom.homeip.net/ looks great!
P.P.S. “Elsewise” is totally a word. Totally.